The co-author of “Getting To Yes” has died.

Roger Fisher, a Havard law professor, made a major contribution to peace-making with this ground breaking book and the changes it generated in conflict resolution practices.

Professor Fisher’s impact on public affairs, both in the United States and abroad, was significant. “Peace is not a piece of paper,” he told his classes, “but a way of dealing with conflict when it arises.”

In my mind, his biggest contribution was the notion that mutual gain could be found and that it was the only basis for a sustainable peace.

The New York Times obituary contains a paragraph that speaks volumes about the man:

“It did not matter to Professor Fisher whether the warring parties reached out to him or not; he would assume they needed his help. ‘Most of the time he was not invited. He would invite himself,” Elliot Fisher (son) said.

 

Fisher had his hand in a lot of difficult negotiations, including the hostage crisis at the Japanese Embassy in Lima, Peru; the U.S./Soviet Summit between Reagan and Gorbachev; the peace agreement signed at Camp David between Egypt and Israel; and the end of apartheid in South Africa.

 

Thank you Roger Fisher for your timeless contribution to civil society. Rest in peace.

 

© Patrick O’Neill 2012. All rights reserved.

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Lately, I have been hearing talk from people who should know better about the lack of necessity of personal development work.

These pundits claim that enabling neighborhoods and communities is the answer to our social problems.

I think community development is a half-answer at best.

Personal excellence, that comes from a commitment to grow, learn and improve, is a critical component of community development. It is a place where individual efforts have a collective impact.

Consider for a moment the plight of an Olympic relay squad where one member decides not to train.

Only three quarters of the race would be run by those who have prepared well and trained hard for the event.

The fourth member, confident that the performance of the others will carry the day, is easily left behind by the field.

You can imagine the reception that runner will recieve at the finish line from angry teammates!

What enables collectives to create breakthrough results is a shared commitment to both personal and collective growth and development.

The synergy that arises from that approach cannot be underestimated.

To those who maintain that personal work is a waste of time, or that it is only important for others, I have only one word: Silencio!.

Your laziness or self-satisfaction is sabotaging that which you profess to help.

© Patrick O’Neill 2012. All rights reserved.

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Some coaches and consultants cannot turn off the advice machine.

Unsolicited feedback and advice from people in helping professions is a major turn-off and a power/domination pattern.

You certainly don’t see psychotherapists operating this way. They have a code of ethics and limits and boundaries that they observe.

Why do so many coaches and consultants think they are providing value by processing others without permission?

Recently, I observed one such operator working a room.

She could not seem to relate to anyone as a peer, needing to demonstrate her enlightenment by coaching everyone she came into contact with. It was impossible to engage her in a personal conversation. There appeared to be nobody home.

Miss “know–it– all” was all dime-store psychology and T-group technique. Yuck!

Coaches and consultants need to remember that unsolicited feedback and advice is crossing the line into someone else’s business. It’s a good way to get your head handed to you.

Stay in your own lane, coach. You’ll avoid collisions.

© Patrick O’Neill 2012. All rights reserved.

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This coming weekend, Angeles Arrien and I will be offering The Mystery of Relationships in Sausalito, California.

This is the second time we are offering the program. It was such a success last year, and the demand was so high, we decided to run it again over four weekends.

Many of last year’s participants are returning. There are also a whole bunch of new folks. There is so much to learn about right-right relationship with self, other and community.

What I love about this work is that every offering is made new by the participants –and what they teach.

Of course, Angeles and I will be leading the workshops but every person in the room is a wisdom-carrier. Our job is to create an environment where that wisdom can surface.

There is still room to join us if learning about the healthy feminine and the healthy masculine is something that draws you at this time.

© Patrick O’Neill 2012. All rights reserved.

For more information, contact Angeles Arriens office: 415-331-5050.

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