This is the second in a series of posts about transition. Everyone is in at least one of the five transitions-work, relationships, health, finances and roles/identity.

During this transformational process, we must be able to hold on to the reality of our own adequacy or we will fall prey to the enemy of transition: self-pity.

Self-pity can be defined as an excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness with one’s troubles. Visionmakers see it as a failure to see the self clearly.

We are abundantly gifted with knowledge, skills, gifts, talents, character qualities, experience and resourcefulness. If we remember that while we navigate transition, we will fare well.

When we forget that important fact and allow ourselves to fall prey to a sense of victimization we create the perfect conditions for self-pity.

Everyone is visited by challenges in transtioning, whether we lose a job, end a relationship, face illness, lose money in the stock market, or retire a role.

Those that flourish in transition remain connected to their power. Those that flounder lose that important connection, or misjudge the challenge and declare themselves under-matched.

That starts the downward spiral.

Dag Hammarskjold, U.N. Secretary General, has some strong words for those seized by self-pity: “Is life so wretched,” he asks? “Isn’t it rather your hands which are too small, your vision which is muddled? You are the one who must grow up.”

Hammarskjold reminds us that maturity is measured by how we meet life’s ups and downs. His counsel appears to be to meet self-pity with rigor and fortitude.

We would do well to remind ourselves in those moments when we think we have failed, lost our way or been betrayed that there are more usefull responses than moaning and complaining. Sure, we will have moments of anger, sadness and disappointment.

But the true measure of a Visionmaker is how long they allow themselves to wallow in those moods. A set-back and defeat are very different things.

Only you can say that you are defeated. More thoughts next time on Visionmaking through transitions.

© Patrick O’Neill 2010. All rights reserved.

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

We are fast approaching the end of 2010 and the beginning of a New Year. Year-end is a very good time to think about transitions.

The latin word, transitio means to “go across.” This is a process that every human being is actively engaged in, whether we recognize it or not.

My friend and mentor, Angeles Arrien, identifies the five transitions we encounter during our lives:

• work

• relationship

• health

• finances

• identity

If we are in more than one transition at a time, we are in a metamorphasis. Metamorphasis is a transformation from one state to something completely different or new.

It’s important to recognize when we are in transition and metamorphosis because lack of recognition can lead to misdiagnosis. We might believe ourselves to be in some form of trauma or breakdown rather than a death/rebirth experience.

I know what your thinking. Just shoot me…

Rather than seeing transition as a threat, Visionmakers view it as the arrival of the perfect conditions to grow.

If you think of it in this way, the opportunity to relax into metamorphosis and trust the process usually delivers superior results than agonizing and thrashing about, the signals of heightened fear.

Over the next few posts, I will explore the theme of transition in more depth. It is a time when heightened vision is required to make wise choices that support the journey to the preferred future rather than repeating the past.

© Patrick O’Neill 2010. All rights reserved.

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

I am happy to see that Sepp Blatter, FIFA President, is warning homosexuals to “refrain from any sexual activities” at the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. People need such warnings, don’t ya know.

Blatter makes a point that it’s ok for you to be gay and play or watch football. “We open everything to everybody and I think there shall not be discrimination against any human beings, being on this side or that side, left or right or whatever…You may be assured,” he continues, “if people want to watch a match in Qatar in 2022, they will be admitted to matches.”

Our champion!

Add to that the concern of certain clergy about the presence of gay people in the military and you have quite the month in the battle to suppress the rights of gay people and subject them to different rules than heterosexuals.

This stuff, of course, is the last gasp in a battle that has been lost. Discrimination is discrimination. Eventually thinking people realize that it diminishes everyone.

Mr. Blatter is above all a politican. He recognizes that blaming Islamic culture for his advice to gay people places him firmly on the fence. He’s taking care of gays and Muslims and promoting the gate at the same time. Win-Win-Win, right Mr. Blatter?

© Patrick O’Neill 2010. All rights reserved.

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

I have been thinking a lot lately about preparing for eldership. This has been catalyzed by a gathering I was invited to attend last year, initiated by Peter Block, John McKnight, Dick Axelrod, Angeles Arrien and a few others.

The gathering was convened to explore topics of mutual interest, including community building and OD design. The event itself morphed into an exploration of individual and collective interests and what possibility existed for an ongoing dialogue by the group.

What piqued my interest was the topic of eldership itself and how one prepares for the inevitable encounter with “senior citizenship.”

What I have realized is that there isn’t really a curriculum for eldership in our culture. We seem to have ignored the possibility that there is another alternative to ageing besides becoming irrelevent…or worse a cartoon version of ourselves. The popular media is full of them-the old coot, the cougar, the eccentric, the old maid.

Maybe, just maybe, there is another road to travel the last third of our lives: the Wisdom Road.

I have been looking at a number of traditions and the guidelines for eldership that they provide as alternative models. I offer one that I particularly like from the Elder’s Handbook:

Wisdom

Elders are seen as very wise individuals that have the ability to utilize their personal and collective knowledge, experience, common sense, and insight.

Honesty

Elders demonstrate genuine honesty and sincerity, free from deceit or fraud.

Patience

Like many older people, Elders have an abundance of patience. True to the Aboriginal worldview regarding time, Elders do not exhibit restlessness or annoyance when confronted with what others may perceive as delay.

Humility

Elders are humble. They are modest, courteous and respectful to all Creation. They do not exhibit pride or arrogance.

Trustworthy

Elders are seen by their community as people whom are worthy of trust or belief, and are seen as people who will take responsibility for their own conduct and obligations.

Life-Long Dedication to the Holistic Well-Being of the Community

Elders are seen by the community as selfless persons who dedicate their lives to the health and well- being of all of Creation. Their dedication is towards all aspects of life – spiritual, physical, emotional and intellectual – for all persons, beings and things.

Life-long Dedication to Learning

Elders dedicate themselves to the well-being of others and see themselves as instruments of the Creator. Elders recognize that they must always continue learning, not only from other Elders and the past, but also from their current situation and events to come which may affect people’s lives.

Perception of their Role in Life

Elders understand their role in life, and acknowledge the special qualities and characteristics inherent
in their role for themselves and for other Elders.

Communicators

Elders use well-developed communication and story-telling skills to fulfill their roles in a community. Tactful communication skills are necessary for a person to provide “Elders’ advice.” This allows the recipient of the advice to see and understand the situation in such a way that they make their own decisions on a particular matter. As a result, the person demonstrates ownership of their decision and the subsequent results, thereby increasing the probability of success.

Openness and Acceptance

True to their other qualities, Elders are genuinely accepting of the perspectives of others, and will not attempt to persuade others of their own personal views.

–Northern Ontario School of Medicine

© Patrick O’Neill 2010. All rights reserved.

Be Sociable, Share!

• 

Here’s a way that you can ready yourself for the “experiential expedition” that each day presents to us as Visionmakers.

Visionmakers gather their personal power! Personal power includes:

• “Knowledge Earned”

• “Gifts and Talents Contributed”

• “Character Qualities Demonstrated”

• “Challenges Met”

Each of us has a singular combination of these four attributes. When we are conscious of our power attributes, we are are ready to meet the opportunities and challenges of living.

Can you name at least ten important lessons learned? Ten Gifts, Talents or Skills? Ten Character Qualities? Ten Challenges that have been met well?

If we struggle to identify the contents of personal power, we may also struggle to gather it when called upon to meet life’s initiatory conditions: challenges, changes, conflict, chaos or confusions. When we do not meet these circumstances well, we can can be harshly self-critical.

Why not prepare well. Do the work of acquainting yourself with the invetory of personal power that is yours …and only yours.

Be Sociable, Share!

•